Updated: Apr 17, 2020
While on my way to my counseling appointment, I felt like I had to throw up throughout my entire trip. I felt quite uneasy and uncertain of what my experience was going to be. Nonetheless, I checked in and took the questionnaire that was provided to me. The questionnaire itself almost forced me to walk out of the office being that the types of questions asked made me feel like I was crazy. Reluctantly I finished the questionnaire and waited a few minutes before I was called to the back by the counselor. The counselor's office had dim lighting and a wonderful smell. I sat down and the counselor asked me a few questions and I immediately broke down in tears saying the following:
“I do not know what is wrong with me, can you help me fix it?”
-- I know now that what I asked was not her job to do. I recall that moment as the first time that I had ever shared all of what was going on in my life to anyone and as I reflect, I truly do not know how I covered everything within that hour.
I will never forget the thoughtful but well-directed question my counselor asked me;
"Is what you are currently doing, going to get you to the goal you have for your future?”
Of course, she left me with this question to think about on my two-hour traffic drive home in Los Angeles as well as throughout the weekend. Of course. Over that course of the week, I concluded that the answer to that question was a profound NO! It is integral to note that outside of my 50 hour a week job working at LAX, I also tutored several students. I mean, everyone I knew at the time had a side hustle so hey, why not me?
I looked as if I had everything, I was 23 years old making 73k a year as a Station Manager at LAX, governing over 100 employees whom many were older than my parents. Besides, I had a place of my own, car, and all the materialistic things one could ask for. I also had a considerable size following on my social media platforms. I truly thought I “had it all” until I no longer recognized myself and still did not feel enough.
Tutoring was the only thing I looked forward to on my days off from LAX. I loved witnessing my students improve their reading and math skills. I was so happy on the day in which one of my students came to our tutoring sessions and wanted to tell me how the teacher asked him to do a problem on the board and how he got it right. I was also enlightened when one of my other students exited out of his remedial class and was placed into his age-appropriate grade-level class.
My love for tutoring these kids was not only due to their academic improvement, but to the relationship, I built with them. I felt so lucky to have gotten to know these kids and be a part of their lives. Little did I know, having an impact on someone’s life was the fulfillment I had been looking for. As their tutor, I was not playing a part or masking myself to be perfect, I was simply myself, LaTecia and that was more than enough.
On the contrary,
my job as a tutor did not feel like work because I was using my gift of knowledge and connection to help others.
With the guidance of the strong women in my life, I had found my path to discovering who I was and who I wanted to be. Before finding my self-worth, I had allowed people, material things and even my job to define who I was. Less than a year later I was in a graduate school classroom pursuing my master’s degree in Higher Education.
When the signs are there......pay attention. You are enough!!!